Also royally fucking up la dee fuckin da & the most boring twitter on earth
Remember kids, questions & cool stuff - apocalypsepie.com/askWhite Zombie - Electric Head Pt. 2 (The Ecstasy)
Secondly, in my next life, I’m probably gonna be a stripper.
White Zombie - Electric Head Pt. 1 (The Agony)
Firstly, White Zombie is awesome. Superb.
If I was a rockstar I’d be Nikki Sixx. Cept with tits. And better hair.
Could probably do without the whole crippling smack addicted junkie part too. I mean, puking/pissing all over yourself & passing out in a pile of your own shit can only be fun for so long.
Should I propose to my girlfriend? We’ve been together for 6 years & it is the longest, most dependable relationship I’ve ever had. It just feels like maybe we should get married or something.
Look, if you’ve never felt her rock your world, you need to quit wasting everyone’s time & keep shopping around. But if you think maybe, just maybe, this is the crotch you wanna crash for the rest of your life, how bout you try buying her a fucking ring & asking her to marry you dopey dipshit.
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Tick
You look like shit
You take your time
Tick tick tick time
You take it
Heretarditary (n) -
Mouth breathing stupidity at a genetic level.
You can’t tell me that a vast majority of teenage girls who hang around malls don’t have some form of heretarditary. They’re the children of former strippers & professional footballers for fuckssake; I’m surprised they don’t have goddamn flippers for hands
And you know, I’m perfectly okay with that.
I mean, even now, music at large pretty much sucks a big fat load o’ balls. Sure, if you’re lucky you might stumble onto that 2% of good, honest music still being created. Sure, there’s still some good deals out there. The problem is it’s like bobbing for apples in a industrial vat full of diarrhea.
No one is gonna say with reverence that they remember the first time they heard Cobra Starship or when they got their hands on their first (insert reference to random American/Australian/Somalian Idol winner) album. No. And if you do, you don’t deserve to reproduce. Fuckit, people like you need to be disposed of. Possibly painfully.
If in 20 years I’ve got the option to listen to a homeless man - who is 98% Starbucks sponsored beard - bang his dick on the side of an abandoned car & wail about birds or waste precious seconds of my life hearing a barely legal blonde dipshit autotune her way across 3 minutes and pretend that she actually gives a damn about music - or indeed, anything other than the next cash dripping, record company sanctioned cock that’s shoved in her face - I’ll gladly say sayonara to the world of sound.
Besides I heard sign language is gonna be big next season.
thetowel asked: Is clit size important?
Seeing as you’re a dude, I’m sure you’ve heard that size doesn’t matter. Course that could be the world’s cruelest lie but I’m gonna run with it. Cos honestly, I don’t know dick about clits. I mean, I have one. It’s pretty rad. But that’s as far as my clit experience goes. I deal exclusively in cock so getting any chick that isn’t me off, well… that’s not really my department.
Too small? Fuck, some days you’re just lucky to find a dude who doesn’t think that a clitoris is something you find under the hood of a car. But I guess if it’s too big then you could always be running the possibility that you’re fucking a hermaphrodite. Maybe some weird subcatagory of post-op tranny? Either way it’s the best of both worlds. Perform a quick prostate check then proceed as you see fit.
Basically the rules of clit are as follows - If yer lookin’, yer doin’ something right.
PS - You should be looking. I mean you, personally, in my pants. Now.
Firstly I check your blog almost every day. It’s great and your sense of humor is very refreshing. You should update more. Now my problem is that my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. At first our relationship was great but now I find that he’s constantly angry at me, telling me I’m fat, that I’m ugly and stupid. I try so hard to please him but everything I do is wrong and I don’t want to lose him. In the past he has cheated on me but every time I forgave him and took him back. So is it really too much to ask that he forgive me my flaws? Please don’t be too harsh on me because I really don’t know what to do.
I love shit like this. I’m a girl after all - and compliments are fucking rad. Unfortunately getting mail like this also means that shit just isn’t sinking into the goddamn fucking skulls of some of you people. So allow me to break it down for you.
MAM, YOU’RE AWESOME. You read the steaming piles of shit I write so of course you are.
YOU’RE DATING A DOUCHEFUCKINGTARD WHO IS SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF YOU. Your boyfriend’s a slutty fucking man-ho with no redeemable qualities & should be shot on sight.
TELL YOUR CUNTING PRICK OF AN EXCUSE FOR A BOYFRIEND TO GO DROWN HIMSELF IN A RIVER OF COCK MELTING BULLSHIT. And while you’re at it, throw something heavy at his head. Hell, run him over in your car if you can. I guarrantee it’ll make you feel better. Him; probably not.
GO GET DRUNK & FUCK A NICE BOY. If he reminds you in anyway of your now ex boyfriend, he’s not a fucking nice dude. Try looking at the library, maybe the zoo? I don’t know where the nice dudes hide out these days. Coffee shops are full of self important wankers, concerts filled with pretentious scensters & any dude you meet at work is usually married or your boss (Pro tip - don’t fuck your boss). Parks are full of junkies scoring smack & getting their monthly dose of sunshine. Bars are definitely off limit to someone in your state - the booze hounds can smell your shattered self esteem a mile away. Errrr….. the taco truck? Look, don’t hassle me for fucking details, just look dammit.
THEN I DON’T KNOW, GO GET MARRIED OR SOMETHING. Isn’t that how happy endings work? Sure I could point out that ‘nice dudes’ who aren’t unemployed heavily medicated chemically reliant semi retarded hipsters/social outcasts are near non-existant but that would drain the last vestiges of hope from all single girls everywhere. So yeah, I’m sure that nice dude will turn up & sweep you off your feet pretty soon.
In the meantime, feel free to bang crotches with any dude who makes you feel like the awesome person you are & doesn’t make you want to stab him in the eye after 10 minutes conversation. Wear a fucking rubber too. Cos that sucktackular bag of retard-dom you (used to) date has probably left you with five flavours of herpes.
