His heart is in the right place
Pity his brain is in his dick
November52009
2AM
I just peed by the glow of my phone....
You know your friends are smoking too much gear when there’s no lightbulbs in their house
October232009
I am the imaginary girlfriend
October222009
“I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”
Anais Nin (via semicolonlove)
October182009
Imaginary Dictionary
Smackling (v) -
Near futile exercise that is put into motion when a builder friend is hired to do repairs around your house. Cept that friend happens to be a functioning junkie who starts the day by mixing smack in your kitchen & makes a simple 3 day job take 3 weeks cos he’s too busy sleeping hits off on your couch.
“Yeah, our place is being smackled right now. It’s been 3 weeks & he’s only just finished the bathroom”
12AM
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
All Babes Are Wolves - Spinnerette
Oh Babe, I would die for you
Oh Babe, I will never stray
Oh Babe, I would die for you
Oh Babe, I will never leave
My kinda love song. Not just cos it’s asskickingly awesome but fuck, I’m totally in love right now.
October172009
"So why doesn't C come over while I'm here?"
“Cos mom, C’s a drug dealer. And while you’re not home we smoke bowls, eat muffins & decipher Norwegian death metal lyrics. That’s why. Happy now?”
Honestly, C’s an awesome friend who is more than happy to share his personal stash with me in exchange for my kickass banana & walnut muffins. And while he knows & loves my mom, there’s something a little weird about lighting up in front of her.
And yeah, I share my house with my mom. Wanna make something of it? My mum is fucking radder than yours. She just don’t let me smoke weed in the house.
October152009
A woman’s arthritic pains will almost always disappear when she becomes pregnant
This was printed on a tampon wrapper. Helpful suggestion or just some kinda sadistic mindfuck? Chances are that if I’m using your goddamn tampons the whole pregnancy tip deal isn’t very fucking helpful at the moment - in short, you’re preaching to the wrong fucking choir dipshit.
Also, while I could be PMSing hard right now, I’m just gonna say fuck you & your smartass fucking mindfuck you smarmy cunting motherfuckers.
Actually I’m not PMSing - I just wanted an excuse to use the phrase “smarmy cunting motherfuckers” in a suitable context. I love achieving personal goals. Especially when they’re so satisfyingly achievable.
October132009
“I like dudes. I like their smell, I like their touch, I like their equipment. I like the peen too much to ever give it up.”
Proof I’ll never become a lesbian. I will however, admire a nice rack as much as the next lady fancier, peen owner or not.
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