Apocalypse Pie

Someday I'm gonna write a book

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 16:31:00 -0800

It’ll be the definitive guide for women seeking to attract men. It’ll be a raging...

Moloko - Indigo Indigo here we go oh oh oh

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 00:44:14 -0800

Moloko - Indigo

Indigo here we go oh oh oh

Amanda Ghost - Filthy Mind Become a recluseEnjoy the...

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 23:20:00 -0800

Amanda Ghost - Filthy Mind

Become a recluse
Enjoy the abuse
It’s better to just get high

Well it’s pretty much my own personal goddamn theme song now ain’t it? Inevitable really.

I asked my boyfriend if he found any of my friend’s...

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 21:45:00 -0800

I asked my boyfriend if he found any of my friend’s attractive. He admitted that he thinks my friend A****** is hot & originally wanted to date her, not me. Now I can’t forget it! What do I do now?

Ask a stupid question; get a stupid answer. If you didn’t want to know (and trust me, you really don’t want to know what’s going on in his head) why the fuck would you ask? Sometimes - okay, most of the time - people’s stupidity really is outstanding.

So now you’re living in downtown Paranoia City. Congratulations on the move fucktard. I’m sorry but there’s nothing left to do but take her out. Smother her while she sleeps. Sure she’s a friend & that might seem a little extreme but it’s a dog eat dog world out there & those hot bitches get too much for free anyway.

It’s the first rule of strategic girl vs girl combat - any threat must be eliminated. Your incessant nagging has given your insecurity a target & now you’ve got no option but to put that bitch down. Sorry Princess but it’s time to channel Mr Blonde & invest in a straight razor & some gas.

Don’t forget to duct tape your boyfriend to a chair so he can witness the whole event. Slap him around a little as you carve up that pretty little face of hers. That’ll teach him not to admire anyone but you.

*Do not actually attempt anything that we may have suggested in the past or may continue to suggest in the future. We’re not professionals but you’re plainly retarded.

Primal Scream - The Lord Is My ShotgunPlough your death...

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 22:39:00 -0800

Primal Scream - The Lord Is My Shotgun

Plough your death valley
Sow my seed in you

Bury you alive

My buddy Miss S wants a list of music you can get nekkid & fuck to. I’m guessing she thinks I’d be pretty good at this cos

1) I talk about sex alot;

2) I talk about shit alot;

3) I like grouping junk into stupid little series;

4) a good chunk of my music collection probably comes from strip bars anyway.

So Miss S, all this week (or until I get distracted & forget) I’m gonna post a lil somethin for you.

This is why I don't watch the "news"

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 15:17:00 -0800

What’s with all Tiger Wood’s little cock sleeve “mistresses” wanting an...

You Really Shouldn't Dick That™

Sat, 20 Feb 2010 22:30:00 -0800

After reading/seeing some of the shit that gets sent my way, I’m seriously considering...

The Cardigans - My Favourite Game I should have seen it when my...

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 23:43:00 -0800

The Cardigans - My Favourite Game

I should have seen it when my hope was new
my heart is black and my body is blue

You don't need drugs. Believe me. I've never seen someone as straightout bizarre as you are while completely straight & sober.

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 04:08:44 -0800

It’s nice to know that your dealer buddies think that you’re weirder than they are.

Photo

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 07:07:15 -0800

PJ Harvey - This Is Love No I didn’t just plug the word...

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 06:03:00 -0800

PJ Harvey - This Is Love

No I didn’t just plug the word love into a searchbox & pick the first song that came up. Of course not. A move like that would assume that I’m a lot cleverer than I really am & didn’t spend a good 20 minutes flicking through my entire music collection for a radass “love” song to throw up.

Besides, if I’d done that, I woulda just posted Love Song by The Damned. Again. Cos I’m lazy, searches are alphabetical & it’s awesome. Duh.

Imaginary dictionary

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 19:27:00 -0800

Floydian (adj) - Relating to or being in accordance with the psychoanalytic theories of Pink...

Why won’t hotties fuck me? All I get is ugly ass girls....

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 21:31:02 -0800

Why won’t hotties fuck me? All I get is ugly ass girls. How do I tap that primo ass?

Because you’re a knobbly little ass goblin who spouts shit like “tap that ass” & seriously thinks he’s entitled to pussy that’s waaaaaaaaay outta his league. Want some real advice? You’re fucking deluded. Possibly semi-retarded. And you’re probably fucking short too.

You should be thankful that something legally identifiable as female can be drunk enough climb aboard your 3 inches anyway. Just a heads up but alcohol at that level tends to be fatal ya know.

Try hookers. Though they won’t even attempt to hide their looks of contempt, they will however, take cash. Some even accept major credit cards. And a good 70-80% of working girls would be willing to do business with the 3 inches & 4 brain cells drifting round the head of a Jersey Shore reject like your fine self. Girl’s gotta pay her dealer after all.

And yeah, you’re fucking welcome dickwad.

White Zombie - Electric Head Pt. 2 (The Ecstasy)Secondly, in my...

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 22:14:41 -0800

White Zombie - Electric Head Pt. 2 (The Ecstasy)

Secondly, in my next life, I’m probably gonna be a stripper.

White Zombie - Electric Head Pt. 1 (The Agony)Firstly, White...

Fri, 05 Feb 2010 22:02:00 -0800

White Zombie - Electric Head Pt. 1 (The Agony)

Firstly, White Zombie is awesome. Superb.

If I was a rockstar I’d be Nikki Sixx. Cept with tits. And...

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 19:26:00 -0800

If I was a rockstar I’d be Nikki Sixx. Cept with tits. And better hair.

Could probably do without the whole crippling smack addicted junkie part too. I mean, puking/pissing all over yourself & passing out in a pile of your own shit can only be fun for so long.

Should I propose to my girlfriend? We’ve been together...

Sat, 30 Jan 2010 18:27:00 -0800

Should I propose to my girlfriend? We’ve been together for 6 years & it is the longest, most dependable relationship I’ve ever had. It just feels like maybe we should get married or something.

Dude, she’s your girlfriend, not a fucking washing machine. Reliable & dependable - that’s criteria you use when shopping for cars & household appliances. And maybe blow up dolls too I guess. I don’t know, while the whole blow up fuck toy market isn’t exactly directed at me I’m betting you don’t want your inflatable fuckee flaking out & letting you down at a critical moment either now do ya?

Look, if you’ve never felt her rock your world, you need to quit wasting everyone’s time & keep shopping around. But if you think maybe, just maybe, this is the crotch you wanna crash for the rest of your life, how bout you try buying her a fucking ring & asking her to marry you dopey dipshit.

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Tick You look like shitYou take your...

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 03:53:05 -0800

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Tick

You look like shit
You take your time
Tick tick tick time
You take it

Imaginary Dictionary

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 21:27:00 -0800

Heretarditary (n) -Mouth breathing stupidity at a genetic level. You can’t tell me that a vast...

Given the volume at which I listen to music, I will be completely deaf in 20 years.

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 16:19:23 -0800

And you know, I’m perfectly okay with that. I mean, even now, music at large pretty much sucks...