February142010
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

PJ Harvey - This Is Love



No I didn’t just plug the word love into a searchbox & pick the first song that came up. Of course not. A move like that would assume that I’m a lot cleverer than I really am & didn’t spend a good 20 minutes flicking through my entire music collection for a radass “love” song to throw up.

Besides, if I’d done that, I woulda just posted Love Song by The Damned. Again. Cos I’m lazy, searches are alphabetical & it’s awesome. Duh.
February122010

Imaginary dictionary

Floydian (adj) -

Relating to or being in accordance with the psychoanalytic theories of Pink Floyd.


What were you smoking/snorting/shooting last night? All that crazy shit about time & space and death & consumerism? Then you puked in my dishwasher, got naked, stared at the wall for 3 hours & passed out in the bathtub. Shit was floydian.

February92010
Why won’t hotties fuck me? All I get is ugly ass girls. How do I tap that primo ass? Because you’re a knobbly little ass goblin who spouts shit like “tap that ass” & seriously thinks he’s entitled to pussy that’s waaaaaaaaay outta his league. Want some real advice? You’re fucking deluded. Possibly semi-retarded. And you’re probably fucking short too. You should be thankful that something legally identifiable as female can be drunk enough climb aboard your 3 inches anyway. Just a heads up but alcohol at that level tends to be fatal ya know. Try hookers. Though they won’t even attempt to hide their looks of contempt, they will however, take cash. Some even accept major credit cards. And a good 70-80% of working girls would be willing to do business with the 3 inches & 4 brain cells drifting round the head of a Jersey Shore reject like your fine self. Girl’s gotta pay her dealer after all. And yeah, you’re fucking welcome dickwad.

Why won’t hotties fuck me? All I get is ugly ass girls. How do I tap that primo ass?

Because you’re a knobbly little ass goblin who spouts shit like “tap that ass” & seriously thinks he’s entitled to pussy that’s waaaaaaaaay outta his league. Want some real advice? You’re fucking deluded. Possibly semi-retarded. And you’re probably fucking short too.

You should be thankful that something legally identifiable as female can be drunk enough climb aboard your 3 inches anyway. Just a heads up but alcohol at that level tends to be fatal ya know. 

Try hookers. Though they won’t even attempt to hide their looks of contempt, they will however, take cash. Some even accept major credit cards. And a good 70-80% of working girls would be willing to do business with the 3 inches & 4 brain cells drifting round the head of a Jersey Shore reject like your fine self. Girl’s gotta pay her dealer after all. 


And yeah, you’re fucking welcome dickwad.
February52010
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

White Zombie - Electric Head Pt. 2 (The Ecstasy)



Secondly, in my next life, I’m probably gonna be a stripper.
10PM
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

White Zombie - Electric Head Pt. 1 (The Agony)



Firstly, White Zombie is awesome. Superb.
February12010
If I was a rockstar I’d be Nikki Sixx. Cept with tits. And better hair. Could probably do without the whole crippling smack addicted junkie part too. I mean, puking/pissing all over yourself & passing out in a pile of your own shit can only be fun for so long.

If I was a rockstar I’d be Nikki Sixx. Cept with tits. And better hair.



Could probably do without the whole crippling smack addicted junkie part too. I mean, puking/pissing all over yourself & passing out in a pile of your own shit can only be fun for so long.
January302010
Should I propose to my girlfriend? We’ve been together for 6 years & it is the longest, most dependable relationship I’ve ever had. It just feels like maybe we should get married or something. Dude, she’s your girlfriend, not a fucking washing machine. Reliable & dependable - that’s criteria you use when shopping for cars & household appliances. And maybe blow up dolls too I guess. I don’t know, while the whole blow up fuck toy market isn’t exactly directed at me I’m betting you don’t want your inflatable fuckee flaking out & letting you down at a critical moment either now do ya? Look, if you’ve never felt her rock your world, you need to quit wasting everyone’s time & keep shopping around. But if you think maybe, just maybe, this is the crotch you wanna crash for the rest of your life, how bout you try buying her a fucking ring & asking her to marry you dopey dipshit.

Should I propose to my girlfriend? We’ve been together for 6 years & it is the longest, most dependable relationship I’ve ever had. It just feels like maybe we should get married or something.


Dude, she’s your girlfriend, not a fucking washing machine. Reliable & dependable - that’s criteria you use when shopping for cars & household appliances. And maybe blow up dolls too I guess. I don’t know, while the whole blow up fuck toy market isn’t exactly directed at me I’m betting you don’t want your inflatable fuckee flaking out & letting you down at a critical moment either now do ya?


Look, if you’ve never felt her rock your world, you need to quit wasting everyone’s time & keep shopping around. But if you think maybe, just maybe, this is the crotch you wanna crash for the rest of your life, how bout you try buying her a fucking ring & asking her to marry you dopey dipshit.
January252010
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Tick


You look like shit
You take your time
Tick tick tick time
You take it
January202010

Imaginary Dictionary

Heretarditary (n) -

Mouth breathing stupidity at a genetic level.


You can’t tell me that a vast majority of teenage girls who hang around malls don’t have some form of heretarditary. They’re the children of former strippers & professional footballers for fuckssake; I’m surprised they don’t have goddamn flippers for hands

4PM

Given the volume at which I listen to music, I will be completely deaf in 20 years.

And you know, I’m perfectly okay with that.

I mean, even now, music at large pretty much sucks a big fat load o’ balls. Sure, if you’re lucky you might stumble onto that 2% of good, honest music still being created. Sure, there’s still some good deals out there. The problem is it’s like bobbing for apples in a industrial vat full of diarrhea.

No one is gonna say with reverence that they remember the first time they heard Cobra Starship or when they got their hands on their first (insert reference to random American/Australian/Somalian Idol winner) album. No. And if you do, you don’t deserve to reproduce. Fuckit, people like you need to be disposed of. Possibly painfully.

If in 20 years I’ve got the option to listen to a homeless man - who is 98% Starbucks sponsored beard - bang his dick on the side of an abandoned car & wail about birds or waste precious seconds of my life hearing a barely legal blonde dipshit autotune her way across 3 minutes and pretend that she actually gives a damn about music - or indeed, anything other than the next cash dripping, record company sanctioned cock that’s shoved in her face - I’ll gladly say sayonara to the world of sound. 





Besides I heard sign language is gonna be big next season.

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